If you’ve been researching EMDR, you have probably heard it described as “You follow my fingers with your eyes while you process trauma.”
That’s technically part of it, but it doesn’t actually explain what being in an EMDR session is like.
If you’re thinking about trying EMDR, you want to know what you’re in for. Are you going to have to relive the worst thing that’s ever happened to you? Will you cry? What if you don’t remember everything? What if you don’t feel anything at all?
The short answer is: EMDR can feel pretty different from person to person. So what should you actually expect?
What happens during an EMDR session?
EMDR is short for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, but forget the acronym for a moment.
In simple terms, EMDR is a type of therapy that can help you work through experiences that are still affecting you, even if you know they happened in the past.
You might have seen videos or descriptions of someone moving their eyes from side to side while thinking about a traumatic memory. That’s one way bilateral stimulation can be used, but it’s not the whole process.
Your therapist may use eye movements, alternating sounds, or tapping while you focus on a memory, feeling, belief or even just a physical sensation.
You aren’t necessarily sitting there telling the entire story of what happened over and over again. Instead, you might focus on something that still bothers you and notice what comes up. You might know that something happened years ago and that you’re not in that situation anymore, but your body can still react when something reminds you of it. Your heart might race and your chest might tighten – this is where EMDR helps. It’s intended to help you process the experience so those reactions don’t feel so immediate or intense.
It might feel strange at first
Honestly, following your therapist’s fingers from side to side while thinking about something difficult can feel a little weird.
You might spend the first few minutes wondering if you’re doing it right, or you might get distracted. You might think about what you had for breakfast this morning instead.
That’s normal. One of the things that makes EMDR unique from standard talk therapy is that you aren’t trying to analyze every thought as it shows up. Your therapist may ask you to notice what you’re experiencing and keep going.
Your mind can shift from one memory, emotion or thought to another. You might suddenly remember something you hadn’t thought about in years. Sometimes the connection will make sense right away, other times it may seem like it came completely out of nowhere. You don’t need to figure out every single thought that comes up as it’s happening.
You don’t have to relive your trauma
This is probably one of the biggest concerns people have when they first hear about EMDR. They might think it looks like sitting across from a therapist and having to describe every detail of the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.
That isn’t necessarily how EMDR works. You don’t need to have a perfect, chronological memory of what happened or remember every detail. You might begin with a particular image, an emotion, a physical sensation. Sometimes, the entry point is a belief you’ve been carrying for years like “I’m not safe,” “It’s my fault,” or “I have no control.” Your therapist is there to help you work at a pace that feels manageable.
What if I cry? What if I don’t?
Some people do cry. Others get angry, feel tired, or don’t notice much happening at first. And sometimes you just feel… normal. None of those reactions means you’re doing EMDR wrong.
Therapy doesn’t always come with a huge emotional breakthrough. Sometimes the change can look like a memory showing up and not making your stomach sink the way it used to. Maybe you can talk about what happened without feeling completely overwhelmed by it.
What does EMDR feel like afterward?
This can vary as well. You might feel deeply relieved or emotionally worn out. Sometimes you may leave feeling totally normal and only notice a shift later, when you encounter a situation that you react differently to now than you used to.
Think about it like the difference between remembering that you burned your hand once and feeling like you’re touching a hot stove right now. EMDR isn’t about pretending the stove never existed, or forgetting about your burn. It’s about remembering what happened without your body reacting like it’s happening all over again.
The part nobody tells you about EMDR
The biggest signs of progress can be pretty ordinary. You drive past a place that used to make you anxious and just keep driving. Someone says something that would normally send you spiraling, and you don’t spend the next six hours replaying it.
That is what processing can look like. Not forgetting or pretending like it didn’t happen – just having more space between what happened in the past and how you feel in the present.
TL;DR
EMDR can feel strange at first, especially if you’re used to traditional talk therapy.
You may notice memories, emotions, physical sensations, or thoughts you weren’t expecting. You might also feel like nothing especially big is happening.
You don’t have to describe every detail of your trauma, and you don’t have to have a big emotional reaction for a session to be useful.
The goal isn’t to erase what happened. It’s to help you process it so that it doesn’t feel like it’s continuing to happen now.
If you’ve been curious about EMDR but are nervous about what actually happens in a session, that’s something you can talk through before ever starting the process. Schedule a Free 15-minute Consultation to see whether EMDR might be a good fit for you.